A Church Called Tov - Chapter 4: "False Narratives"
1) Discredit the critics. "This can be accomplished by branding the truth tellers as liars or seeking to undermind their credibility by attacking their character...Character assassination seeks to get the congregation to question the truth of the accuser's story by casting doubt on the accuser." (p. 56-58)
2) Demonize the critics. This involves "portraying the accusers as evildoers who are trying to harm the church and all its good work for Christ's Kingdom." (p. 58-59)
3) Spin the story. This "deceitful strategy [is] designed to hijack the accuser's narrative and create an alternative version--an intentionally false narrative that supports the pastor and the church while creating doubt about the allegations." (p. 59-62)
4) Gaslight the critics. I learned where this term comes from. "The term gaslighting comes from the 1938 play Gas Light, in which a husband tries to convince his wife she's going crazy--using various techniques such as dimming the gas lights in their apartment and denying that anything has changed--to cover up his criminal activity." (p. 62-65)
5) Make the perpetrator the victim. "Rather than accepting responsibility and apologizing for sin, pastors and church leaders may create false victimization narratives in which everything is reversed and the perpetratos of sexual violence become the victims." I've found this to be true for other kinds of pastoral misbehavior, not just sexual abuse. (p. 65- 70) The authors reference Wade Mullen's article "Deciphering the Language of Harvest Bible Chapel" to discuss some common tactics that perpetrators use when trying to make themselves out to be the victims". These include bringing attention to the perpetrator's own pain and how "sad" they are in order to gain "compassion and support" normally reserved for victims, "referring to the 'opinions' of a 'few' 'disgruntled' 'former' members to establish the unfairness of it all 'by suggesting [the accusers] lacked credibility," polishing their own image "using phraes such as 'carefully expressed viewpoint', 'a happier and healthier church'...'we have chosen the high road' and 'grace-filled...attempts to reconcile', "reframing the harm done to others as 'mistakes' that the church has now 'owned', appealing to their own "committment to biblical standards", and appealing to the need to protect the reputation of the church."
6) Silence the truth. Non-disclosure agreements and membership covenants create "the impression , to people who are not in the know, that nothing happened. The church preserves its public reputation, and its false narrative remains in tact. Narratives that silence people prevent the truth from becoming know, create confusion for people who sense something is wrong but can't put their finger on it, and sow discord between those who try to speak up and others who choose to believe the false narrative. Silenced truth is an unspoken lie." (p. 70) This confusion and discord is exactly what we saw happen in our last church. An example is given of The Village Church, darling of the reformed baptist crowd, who used a membership covenant to cover up the sexual abuse of an 11-year-old girl at one of their summer camps. NEVER sign this type of membership covenant. I have in the past, but I won't in the future. Many employees are forced to sign NDAs when they leave a church, rendering them "incapable of establishing justice by speaking truthfully about what they know or have seen or heard. Churches that push NDAs in exchange for a severance package are already in thick with a toxic culture." (p. 74)
7) Supress the truth. This variation of #6 may include "shaming, intimidtion, threatening spiritual or financial consequqnces, or destruction of evidence. (p. 74) The deletion of evidentiary emails by Bill Hybels at Willow Creek is only one of the examples given in this section. We were told by our former pastor that he didn't have the text messages that went between him and an elder because he had a new phone. "When the truth is suppressed and silence is maintained, abusers are able to move on and abuse and wound others." (p. 78)
8) Issue a fake apology. "Fake apologies are not issued out of confession or repentance...they condemn the victim, appease the audience, attach excuses, and try to justify inappropriate behavior." (p. 78-79) A thorough reading of examples of these types of fake apologies brought to mind different times I've seen them used by pastors and organizations. "Authentic apologies include surrender, confession, ownership, recognition, and empathy." (p. 80)
Next time, we'll move on to Part 2, "The Circle of Tov".
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