Meahl Memories

A Church Called Tov - Chapter 3: "How Toxic Cultures Respond to Criticism"

"When an allegation arises against a pastor, a leader, or a volunteer within a church, what the pastor or leadership does first will reveal the culture of the church--whether it is toxic or tov. If the response is confession and repentance, or a commitment to finding the truth if all the facts are not yet known, that church probably has a healthy, tov culture. On the other hand, if the pastor's first instinct is denial, some form of story or narrative about 'what really happened,' or a defensive posture against 'those who would attack our church or ministry', there are toxic elements at work within the church's culture." (p. 41) The latter is exactly what we saw happen in our previous church.

The authors recommend Jim Van Yperen's seven-step process "for public communication about sexual sin in the church". Van Yperen is founder and president of Metanoia Ministries. (p. 44) The authors give many examples of churches who handled allegations correctly and those who did not.

I found the next section of this chapter very interesting. It is called "Spinning Matthew 18", and this is exactly what the pastor attempted to do to us.  "Another method that leaders in a toxic church culture sometimes use to control the narrative is to attack the way in which critical feedback or allegations of wrongdoing are brought to light." (p. 47) 

The authors write, "It's one thing to set this procedure in motion when someone has said something ugly about another person or has wrongly taken credit for something. But when a woman or a child who has been sexually abused is required to meet one-on-one with the perpetrator, it becomes morally inexcusable and psychologically violent to insist upon legalistically following Matthew 18. Such an approach becomes a cynical dodge and is almost always designed to protect the leader or the church." (p. 49)

The authors discuss other passages that are often misapplied in cases of sexual abuse. 1 Timothy 5:19 requires accusations to be brought with two or three witnesses--which almost never exist in sexual abuse and harassment cases. 1 Corinthians 6:1-8 tells Christians with a dispute not to take it to court but to handle conflict resolution within the church. This is obviously not the case for criminal acts.

"The answer to how these verses should be applied in situations of abuse involves simple wisdom: The abused don't need to face their abuser--and certainly not one-on-one. And no church should ever demand two or three witnesses for abuse that happens in secret. It's unconscionable and profoundly unbiblical. Moreover, Scripture should never be used to deflect attention away from what happened to focus instead on how the allegations were brought to light." (p. 52)

The situation in our church did NOT involve sexual sin. However, I found this to be very true--"How a church responds to criticism, or handles information that could damage the reputation of a leader or the church, reveals the culture of that church...Compassion, truth, and wisdom should be our guiding lights. But when a culture is toxic, priorities change and truth telling often takes a back seat." (p. 52) 

Be assured, the truth will come out, and the church's culture will be shown to be toxic. "The word most often on the lips of Jesus for this was hypocrisy...Pastors, leaders, and congregants in a church with a tov culture are free to tell stories that are true. In a toxic church culture, pastors and leaders tell stories that are false, while the congregation either goes along with the deception or lives in blissful ignorance." (p. 52-53)  "